PASSION

= abundant peace

When the shame and hidden hurts are released.

= overwhelming gratitude 

When I look upon this congregation worshiping God in broken abandonment and I realize that NYC is not even worth it

 

= sufficiency greater than my insufficiency

When I am not capable of leading, teaching, discipling, loving; but God is.

take care of my fish. thanks :D

Had some things on my mind lately...and they go a little like these quotes/verses.

"To fall in love with God is the greatest of all romances; To seek Him, the greatest adventure."
-St. Augustine


Jesus said, "God's spirit is on me; he's chosen me to preach the message of good news to the poor, sent me to announce pardon to prisoners and recover of sight to the blind, to set the burdened and battered free, to announce, 'This is God's year to act'."- Luke 4

Though the fig tree does not blossom, and no fruit is on the vines; though the produce of the olive fails and the fields yield no food; though the flock is cut off from the fold and there is no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will exult in the God of my salvation. Habakkuk 3:17-18


My child, eat honey, for it is good, and the drippings of the honeycomb are sweet to your taste. Know that wisdom is such to your soul; if you find it, you will find a future, and your hope will not be cut off. Proverbs 24:13-14

young ADULT

I'm so tired of cafeteria food...so I decided to make my own freezer meals. I'm so excited and I'm blogging about it to one day return here and remember my first domestic moment.

I made:

Black beans with corn, tomatoes, and peas

Jambalaya

Chicken curry

Chicken Torte (kind of like bread-y with chicken and veggies)

Rice pudding 

Pumpkin-Cranberry biscotti. 

This equals 9 frozen rice and entrée frozen meals; 6 entrée size chicken torte meals (not sure how this will freeze/unfreeze, but cross your fingers :D); 7 rice pudding cups, and 15 biscotti cookies (otherwise known as breakfast). All in 3.5 hours.

Considering I can spend anywhere between $2 and $7 per lunch at the cafeteria at work and I did all of this for $50. So that goes for $3.33 for lunches. YAY for saving money, eating good food, and being domestic :D.

I feel accomplished. 

I've been"if" thinking today. If I moved then...If I had more time then...If I did YA stuff then...If I decided to go back to school then...If I etcera etcera. 

But then I thought some more and I realize that:

If I had not come to Penn, then I would not have the friendships or experiences that have changed me in to a different person

If I had not overslept Big Fat Breakfast those 2 Sundays Freshman Year I would probably never have come to GCC or have the community that has been with me and taught me.

If I had not talked to the praise band leader that one Sunday, then I would never have gone to family group where God met me in many ways and provided me with older sisters to challenge me.

If I had not utterly messed up Sophomore year, crushing a friendship really hard, and falling so far from God, then I would not know restoration, I would not understand forgiveness, I would not have been able to realize how God held on to me despite my rebellion, hatred, and mistrust. 

If I had not had an older sister who chose to disciple me, meet with me weekly, memorize the Word with me throughout the Summer despite the distance, I would not crave discipleship, I would not have learned the need for older sisters who are open and willing to sacrifice time to pour in to people despite their need to grow.

If I had not served Senior year, I would not have had the chance to have two relationships with people who love God so much that they push me to want fervor in my prayer life, to want to give up all my plans for God's, who want true and Christ-like relationships. 

If I had gone my way and run away from His calling for my life for this year, then I would have been in Connecticut working, but I would not have experienced the joy of ministry in such a powerful way.

Basically, God knows best.

Many are the plans in a man's heart,
       but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.
Proverbs 19:21

wow. that was easy.

sometime it seems like God is gracious and gives us the easy button.

"Because you did not listen to the voice of the Lord, mark my words: When you leave me, a lion will kill you." -1 Kings 20:36

book scouring

My definition of fun has changed a bit since last year, but now a days I long for days when I can go sit at my favorite spot on Kelly Drive with a bag of grapes, a nalgene full of water, and a book. Honestly, I often don't get too far in my reading before I take a nice long nap with the sun beating against my back...but it's the perfect way to spend the afternoon after a God-filled, worship-full morning. 

BUT...

My book list is getting short...therefore, here is where you come in!

If you'd like you can refer back to this post, but generally all suggestions of thought-provoking, or fun, or challenging, or anything that comes with a spine would be alright. :D

ALSO...

I'm looking for an old-school hardback copy of Shadow of the Almighty. And by "looking" I mean I've gone in to every used bookstore I know...so if you happen to stumble into a bookstore...and happen to remember me...I'll pay you back:D

mental pictures

Throughout my life I've always had this wish that I could taken pictures of moments I live through, kind of like having a photographer following me around and taking pretty pictures of moments. I mentally take the picture, hang it up, and go back to it from time to time to remember how good God is or how blissful fun moments are or how beautiful an experience was. Unfortunately this wall of pictures is not real, but the mental one is pretty amazing. This week I've had a lot of pictures added to my wall - moments that I will always remember, words people said that will forever strike me. 

M. thank you for the 4 hr talk that encouraged me to seek out discipleship

B. thank you for being vulnerable and allowing me to be your older sister

A. thank you for a dinner where your heart was so clear and apparent

C. thank you for your happiness in the little things in life

L. thank you for your motherly ways though you are younger than me

S. thank you for reminding me many times of who i once was but how God has changed me

I. thank you for your love for family group that is never ceasing

C. thank you for being vulnerable and transparent while sharing, it pushes me to want to go deeper

J. thank you for always treating me like i'm a great older sister, though i am lacking

K. thank you for your heart for people that goes beyond what I can ever imagine

C/O. thank you for laughter- I haven't laughed so hard in a long time.

C. thank you for being my sister that I need to goof and speak truth at all times

These and many more moments take my breath away. God is so good to me.

repost with an edit:

it's a big scary world out there.

Lord, may I see Your plans when I am fearful.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

_________________________________

Edit 10/14/2010:

Excerpt from girlTalk:

I’ve discovered that most of the bad things I imagined never actually came true. But there have been other trials—ones I never anticipated.

That’s why Elisabeth Elliot’s wise advice has been invaluable to me in fighting fear: “There is no grace for your imagination.”

God does not sprinkle grace over every path my fear takes. He does not rush in with support and encouragement for every doomsday scenario I can imagine.

No, instead He warns me to stay off those paths: “Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil” (Ps. 37:8).      

There is no grace for our imagination. That’s why our fearful imaginings produce bad fruit: anxiety, lack of joy, futile attempts to control.

There is no grace for our imagination. But God does promise sufficient, abundant grace for every real moment of our lives. That’s why the Proverbs 31 woman can “laugh at the future in contrast with being worried or fearful about it” (ESV Study Bible note on Pr. 31:25)

my Lord, You are AMAZING. Your love astounds me. 

When I feel loveless, Your love RESTORES me. 

I cannot imagine my life without this. 

You have told me: 

Look at the nations and watch—and be utterly amazed.
For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, 
even if you were told.

[Habakkuk 1:4-6]

Thank you for your PROMISES. 

whisper softly to me 

share your heart with me

on repeat.

I grew up in Sunday school,
I memorized the Golden Rule,

And how Jesus came

To set the sinner free...

I know the story inside-out,

And I can tell you all about

The path that led Him up

To Calvary...

But ask me why He loves me,

And I don't know what to say -

But I'll never be the same,

Bacause He changed my life when He became...

Everything to Me -

He's more than a story,

More than words on a page of history

He's the Air that I breathe,

The Water I thirst for,

And the Ground beneath my feet --

He's Everything...

Everything to Me...

We're living in uncertain times,

And more and more, I find

That I'm aware of just

How fragile life can be...

I want to tell the world I've found

A love that turned my life around -

They need to know

That they can taste and see...

Now every day, I'm praying

Just to give my heart away

I want to live for Jesus

So that someone else might see that He is...

Everything to Me -

He's more than a story,

More than words on a page of history

He's the Air that I breathe,

The Water I thirst for,

And the Ground beneath my feet --

Oh, He's Everything...

And looking back over my life at the end,

I'm gonna meet You,

Saying You've been

Everything to Me -

You're more than a story,

More than words on a page of history...

You're Everything to Me -

You're more than a story,

More than words on a page of history

You're the Air that I breathe,

The Water I thirst for,

And the Ground beneath my feet --

You're Everything...

Lord, You're Everything to Me...

Everything to Me...

You're Everything to Me, Jesus...

Everything to Me...

The Air I breathe, the Song I sing...

Oh-oh...

Everything to Me...

You're my Life and my All, yeah -

You're Everything..

J introduced this song to me as her life song...but for reals...this is my lifesong. seriously just playing on repeat over and over. Everything To Me by Avalon.

in need of food inspiration for Friday...

any thoughts?

What I was made for...

I love the fact that my e-mail box is flooded with meet-ups and hang-outs :D

I could bask in this happy life for a while. :D

I'm sorry but...

It seems as though we cannot continue on as such. We've had a good run. Think about all of the times we've shared and the memories you hold. You have been so good to me for this time period in my life, but it seems as though we can no longer hold on to this relationship. I mean, we should have ended four months ago, and it just seems unfair to continue on pretending things are the same. You say try for 6 more months, but it really doesn't seem right. There is too much baggage, too much junk, too much old stuff that is cluttering the present and the new. 

Thank you enakano [at] sas [dot] upenn [dot] edu, but you are expiring and I am moving on. 

so proud

we are one :